Random Work Irritations #9

KKK is, as regular reader(s) will know, is my nemesis in the workplace. If it isn’t making inane racist comments, snobbish asides and talking to herself, she’s being a smug cow. I can imagine what she was like at school: Little Miss Precocious, sticking her hand up eagerly to answer questions, bringing teachers apples and generally being a suck-up. The kind of kid everyone hates.

KKK is very proud of her track record at our workplace in that she hasn’t had a sick day in five years. If you manage to achieve this, you get rewarded with a Marks and Spencer’s voucher at the end of the financial year. Obviously, I have never enjoyed this accolade myself. Although what I would spend £20 on in M&S is anybody’s guess. Tons of sandwiches, probably.

KKK was under the weather yesterday; this is very rare for her but she had a chesty cough that sounded as though she was dragging a rake through all the gunk in her lungs. She was surrounded by a fug of Lemsip all day so I wasn’t surprised when I turned in at work today and was told that she wouldn’t be in.

ME: Thought as much. Has she called in sick?

BOSS: No, she’s booked the day off.

Yes. That’s right. In order to preserve her unbroken, no sickness record, KKK had used a precious day of annual leave so that she could stay in bed all day. What a waste.

This story also brings to mind the time when she wanted to laminate her certificate she printed out when she scored 100% in an online ‘fire safety in the workplace’ CDROM. This quiz could literally have been aced by monkeys.

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