How Often Do You?

Mood: Girly, giggly

Style: Smart casual

Listening to: itunes DJ

What’s on today? 7.30pm-10.00pm: wine at mine with Katie Cat (see Who’s Who)

I loves wine nights with Katie Cat. She’s the one friend I have whom I completely trust and I can be totally honest with knowing that she will never judge me. She indulged me when I cheated on my ex with Mr P; she would accompany me to Mr P’s local without so much as a grumble and never looked down her nose at me for doing such a despicable thing. She’s awesome and I trust her with my life.

It had got to the time of the evening I like the most: 3/4 of a way down a bottle of red, fag in hand. Katie Cat confided that she and her boyfriend, Mr F, hadn’t had sex for weeks because she was so knackered after work and she kept forgetting to take her pill. She was however keeping him furnished with regular blow jobs. She said that she felt awfully guilty and was continually apologising to Mr F.

Somehow, I didn’t think Mr F was going to be disappointed with daily head but I know what she meant so I told her about what my workmate, KC (see Who’s Who), had told me earlier that day.

KC and T have been together for 11 years, have two kids and got married in July of this year. T is an electrician, he works away from home all week, every week. In return, KC and her kids live in a nice house, drive a nice car and go on luxurious holidays at least twice a year plus regular trips to T’s parents’ villa in Spain.

Last Saturday night, T asked JC if she fancied an early night (I know, I know, I didn’t think this chat-up line had been used since those Gold Blend ads circa 1986 but there you go). She refused, as she was watching X Factor.

An hour later, T finally coaxed KC upstairs. She clambered into bed and switched on the TV. T asked if they could switch the TV off and listen to some music instead. KC agreed. T puts his arm around KC.

KC: You ain’t getting round me like that, sunshine.

T puts on I Have Nothing by Whitney Houston (ASIDE: yes, this song does feature on the iPod of a 30-year-old electrician).

KC: This is more like it! Because that’s what you’re getting mate, nothing!

Even the Graham Torrington on Late Night Love can’t twist KC’s arm. In the end, T gives up, rolls over and goes to sleep.

KC is a brilliant storyteller and very humourous so I was laughing my head off when we had this conversation but if I was her, I’d be careful: T ain’t a bad-looking fella and he’s away all week. I know it’s hideously un-feminist and of me to make this observation but if he isn’t getting nookie at home, he may look elsewhere.

Not that this would bother KC. She’s already said that if T ever cheated on her, she wouldn’t be that fussed because he would stand to lose more than her. She elaborated by ticking off the things she would gain in the divorce: house, kids, car. Hmm. They’ve been married for less than 6 months. Romance is alive and well in Leicestershire.

On the plus side, it certainly made Katie Cat feel less like a frigid harridan than previously. Ahh…wine therapy, can’t beat it.

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